October 9, 2017

Peeling Back the Curtain

Those of you who've been around for longer than a few months may have noticed that the frequency of my posts has dramatically diminished. Not only that, but you may have picked up on the fact that all my stated publishing plans have somehow just...vanished. Alongside all of that, I've just barely been popping in to social media accounts. Here's why, but fair warning, this post isn't upbeat or witty or any of those positive words. At most, it is honest.

And if honesty of this kind isn't something you want or need in your life, I understand. It's okay if you don't keep reading.

The thing is, since about May this year, I've been very ill. What started as a succession of acute problems (a bad flu, a minor outpatient procedure, an intense virus) has grown into a serious and debilitating one. I've stumped specialists who've seen it all, yet don't know how to help me. Though thank G-d the current one is still willing to try.

I've been on a constant stream of varying antibiotics since May (we're in month 6, for those counting), and even landed in the ER twice. Last month, with the help of a bunch of medication, I took a trip to see some friends one last time, in case it is the last time.

Through it all, I've tried so hard to keep up somehow. But when something like warming up a plate of food becomes an insurmountable challenge, things like the day job and writing fly out the window. I've also tried to keep all of this behind the scenes, but the weight of failure has been getting to me, and it certainly isn't helping.

I'm still working on Taking Chances when I can, but those times are rare. I'd like to think I could get it finished by the end of 2017, but the truth is, when my life is pills, and pain, and doctor's appointments, writing isn't an option. (Another reason this post took so long to write—besides denial—is it takes energy & time & focus I just don't have to spare.) I keep hoping things will turn around, and I'll magically catch up. But even if I were to be better tomorrow, I still won't catch up, and I feel terrible letting down those of you who are waiting for the next Forging Forever story, or for Fallen. 

I'm doing the best I can, and lately that means that making it into a five-minute shower is succeeding. I wish I had better news. I hope if I ever do get these stories out, if I do return to posting regularly here and on social media, that you'll still be here. But I also understand if you move on, to the countless other, more talented writers out there.

Just know that it isn't that I've forgotten you or that I stopped caring, about these characters or about my readers. But I'm hanging on by a thread. And I'm doing the best I can.

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