June 10, 2014

Best Bad Query Contest

So you may have noticed, I skipped my customary Monday post yesterday.  That's because, just for fun, I've decided to participate in Sharon Bayliss' "Bad Query" Contest! To be clear, the idea is to write a horrible query, not to share a real query that didn't work out. Participants will be posting their bad queries on their blogs, and voting for the "Best" Bad Query will take place on Sharon Bayliss' site.

Check out my entry below, then hop on over to others' posts, and remember to vote!

Please remember, this is intended to be bad. Please do not write your queries like this!

Dear Agent:

Have you been slogging through the slush in hopes of finding the next international bestseller? Well look no further! I guarantee you, agent, that in my fiction novel, you will see a future of skyrocketing sales and awards rivaling today's big names and sure to shoot your career to the next level. One of your current clients, who has asked to remain anonymous for now, agrees that you MUST read this book!

So what do you say, agent? Are you ready to leap into the future of publishing with this one-of-a-kind manuscript? I urge you not to miss out on the chance of a lifetime! But I do not fear, for I know YOU are the unique agent SMART enough not to pass up this golden opportunity.

You may be waiting for some more details before signing on, and I trust you, agent, so I will share some pieces of this absolutely unique work with you.

Told in seven perspectives, this revolutionary manuscript details the challenges and triumphs of vampires, werewolves, and angels, all battling each other in Los Angeles. (This story would also make a great movie!) With star-crossed lovers, brutal battles, and so much more, this fiction novel is one any audience will love! Though I have no formal background in writing, this manuscript has been expertly written and needs no modification before publication — it’s ready for the world NOW.

Worry not, I do also have several self-published books, just waiting to be discovered by the masses. And I feel in my heart (and those who have read it agree!) that this manuscript will propel all of my works to the top of every bestseller list, worldwide. So don’t miss out!

I know by now you are ready and excited as I am to negotiate your fee and sign a contract, after which I will gladly send you my 164,000-word manuscript.

Looking forward to your forthcoming call,

The Most Awesome Author You'll Ever Know


  1. I am loving this. Great line - needs no modification before publication. LOL

  2. 164,000 words is the icing on the cake. And oh, the fact that the current client wishes to remain anonymous is a nice touch:)

  3. Contract BEFORE even having a read! That's one confident soon-to-be-bestseller. ;)

    1. Confident's one word for it ;) Thanks for reading, Trisha!